Through creature’s innards I exit
maw between rows of shark teeth
spit into a bottomless ocean
Sheets tangle captures ankles
aching in dungeon’s slop
No, not there, I stop not to wake
the too-still man beside me
Check his chest, knobby fist clutch 
silk sheets… he sleeps
​In murky office I murmur
record nonsense for later
Grab my journal 
press words on a blank page
Wet nose pushes against my face
Two paws stretch
Malcom reaches from his carpeted bed
“Follow me, give me cream, I’ll love you…
…forever.” His third press leaves fur
I wipe give up to join his glee
downstairs I spoil him
urgency dissipates 
I wait
for courage 
Dip one toe into dank waters
of a churning mind and drift…
My sleep-hungry mind finds terror
Yep There it is–
Prayed for light & angles
Where are they 
Hidden in higher consciousness
Sarcasm scars me 
this unbeliever 
like kelp I sway in eery rhythm–
​evil emerging
Feel damp 
Only sweat
not seawater or blood
Press the memo recorded earlier
before I landed 
on this solid shore
“Deepwater rising 
I swim to consciousness
No, don’t make me getup
 Wish a light place 
Instead it’s dark
my self-will fights the call of making real
something I fear.”
This pandemic shifts me from the flower girl
of dreams to a beast begging
to be let out
Divided: light/dark joyful/depressed present/lost
a spirit in human skin searches…for 
destiny—what God wants me to be
Taught never to ask question
How to discover truth if not questioning
My briny sleep disturbed 
Is living so nasty 
compared with winged flight
cuz I want liberty
underwater diving unencumbered
by breath’s necessity

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